My Porn is Better than Your Porn!

Mmmmmmm, lubricant!  Alright, ladies, this is straight talk about porn.  That is why I put in this link, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/louann-brizendine/the-male-brain-ladies-hes_b_510532.html?just_reloaded=1 , so that if you want more insights, there is a book out.  I did not read it.  But I do know that, WOW, are we in a nice time for porn, eh, guys?  I mean, free porn all over!  GOOD porn, not for the squeamish (maybe there is a category for 'squeamish sex?), but FREE.  All the guys who get their girlfriends to make a movie and then upload it.  Thank you, guys, your girlfriend is HOT!

I remember in 1974 or so, I finally worked up the courage to go into a 25 cent porn movie store.  It was in Cutler Ridge, south of Miami, the place teased me for years with the promise of 25 cent porn.  About time.  I went in and discovered the wonderful world of porn.  I went in a booth, not knowing what those funny holes drilled out on either side were for.  Not for me, I found out later!  I put my quarter in and, wow, I still can see it now.........and so, I was welcomed to the exciting 25 cent minute movie. I won't say whether I needed more than one quarter, but I was only 17.

Now the only reason for those quarter porn places to exist is for the glory hole crowd.  (Yeah, I found out eventually what those holes in the walls were for.  That was too much even for me.  But, most men are dogs and so I can only figure those are still quite popular!)  Our modern porn is not a quarter, but an internet connection to all the crazed exhibitionists who put the free stuff on the web sites.  Every category!  Every color, type, sex, oh, my!  I am NOT complaining.

When I am walking down the street, I wonder how many people I am passing by who are putting their sex life on the net.   "Hi, don't I know you?  That's right, I saw you in that three way on pornhub!"  I am sure that I recognize some people.  Not that I go on those free porn sites all the time.  Well, okay, as much as any guy who is now single after a 22 year relationship, so maybe a little.  More.    But really, it is the new world order with sex.  I am guessing that since it is between partners (although a lot of pros are on these sites) that they feel anonymous.  Well, so what is the surprise?  Men like porn!  But.......

Women!  What is it about porn?  Men are visual.  Men are physiologically  proven more ready for sex.  And I know that, after being married for more than 20 years, women DO like porn.  But don't readily admit it.  However, turn on something that may appeal to a woman and, wow, it works!  Saved me some neck ache! (What, did you think I would do an entire article about masturbation and not make some jokes?)  But the stigma of ADMITTING that a woman likes porn is still around.  Romance?  Not with porn. It's about SEX.

 As you know, ladies, men are ridiculously horny.  If porn were around when I was 15 like it is today, I may have gone blind and would be on my 50th palm razor!  I respect how kids today must be going totally nuts over this stuff.  FREE PORN is better than FREE DRUGS for a teenager.   I do know that exposure on the net has made every teenager know about porn more than I did for years.  The drag is that a teen or any young person who has a warped sense of sex by seeing the porn "stars" (I mean, having a big dick or liking 15 guys at once I still don't think makes someone a "star") and thinking that this is normal sex.  Ha!  Good luck, kids.

When I was 3 or 4, my mother caught me and two neighbor girls playing "doctor".  We were SERIOUSLY playing.  No clothes at all.  Mom came out in the backyard in the rear corner where it was hidden, but not enough.  Mom said, "what are you doing?'.  The girls grabbed their clothes and took off.  Mom told me to go to my room.  I went upstairs, not crying, but freaking out over what my punishment would be.  I waited and waited.  Mom didn't come up.  I went down and sat for dinner.  Not a word.  What was the lesson?  Was there?  I don't know.  I do know that I was VERY precocious.  I had many girlfiends.  I always understood that there was no such thing as a female slut.  Only if you can call a man a slut.  I wish I was called that!  Girls were just....luckier!  They have the choice.  Still do.  But I think I have always had a healthy view of sexuality.  Thank you, Mom!

BOOMER MASTURBATOR

BOOMER MASTURBATOR?
 Yes, evidently that is a term used by at least one political/extremist group.  Ever hear that term before?  No?  Me, neither.  Until I was walking on 24th street near Castro in Noe Valley and I passed a bunch of "LaRouchebags", supporters of Lyndon LaRouche (.http://lyndonlarouchewatch.org/larouche-obama-menu.htm ).  They had a picture of Obama with a Hitler mustache, you know the picture.  The ones that the tea baggers carry around.  And worse.........

I equate Laruochebags with tea baggers and absolutely with the Westboro Baptist Church (Wikipedia page here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church ) .  Maybe even worse. these are cult like people who, unlike the Westboro hatemongers, think they are full of only love for their fellow man.  Like frikkin' Moonies!  That's why they come to a very liberal neighborhood with a truly inflammatory picture of the President.  Full of LOVE.....

Totally clueless, just like the picture.  Now here is where the "boomer masturbation" part comes (ha!) in.  I ask the brainwashed lackey what charges Obama could be used to impeach Obama.  He responded with a multi-syllabic rant that made no sense at all.  I stopped him and said that I want to hear an actual, coherent reason, not some made up supposed violations of the Constitution that the LaRouchebags made up.  The now somewhat agitated (my work here is done!)   He yells at me, "Boomer Masturbation!  Boomer Masturbation!"  Huh? I mean, HUH?  I asked him what the hell he meant.

He said that he means (I think, it was so ridiculous that I really could not comprehend the stupidity of this person) that Baby Boomers who "can't get it up anymore" turn to political confrontation as a way to relieve their sexual tensions.  I said that I still masturbate very regularly and I am sure that everyone here, including him, masturbates regularly and what the hell is he talking about.  He FREAKED.  The woman who was with him had started to video tape this. I guess she was either worried for herself or maybe for future training videos for LaRouchebags.  I asked him if he masturbates regularly.  He cringed and said, "No", and said that I was harassing him (sexually?).  I reminded him that HE brought up the topic of masturbation first.

Call the police!  The guy told his other lackeys to call the police, I was harassing him!  I was totally enjoying myself.  Several other local residents also expressed their displeasure as I was involved with this.  One man asked told him that his family was killed in the Holocaust and the picture was very insulting.  The same moron, the same moron that introduced me to the new term, Boomer Masturbation, WAS JEWISH.  I looked at the other guy.  This LaRouchebag was a self-hating Jew!  Or, a Jew for Jesus, same thing!  Oh My Goddesses!  And he says he doesn't masturbate?  LIAR!  All Jews are chronic masturbators.

An SFPD officer came by.  I was having so much fun.  I met a self-hating Jew Nazi who proudly proclaims that masturbation is disgusting in front of crowds of people.  A nice guy.  Yeah.  The officer asked me to come over and talk to him.  He was a bit of a dick.  I always think that cops expect me to cooperate easily and when I asked him what right he has to even tell me to come over to him, I think I threw him a little and he got pissed.  I told him that these people should have a guard.  They are as bad as the Westboro racists.

The officer and I started to talk.  He agreed that these were a bunch of assholes, but would I mind just staying back a little instead of being right up at their table.  I told him that I appreciate his honesty and that I had been there for about an hour and finished.

 So, off in to the sunset I went.  That was enough for me.  Time to go masturbate..............


peace, 
Ken