I was working the night shift. It was early, about 5pm when my pager went off, shit, not now! I didn't have a lot to do at the time, just some small restaurants and stores. I was looking forward to one of those great bugman nights: Easy stuff early, a few restaurants and then to the Big Luxury Hotel to kick back with my engineer and security buddies, smoking a nice joint of some local homegrown purple on the 44th floor rooftop garden, and then drive home and be showered and more stoned by 3:30. It was a tough job, but somebody had to do it.
This was the times of pagers where all you did was call the number on the top, and usually at night it was the answering service that was calling me. This was one of those usual times. I called and got a message, a rat was in a store downtown. But...I don't have any accounts in that address. It was on Grant Street, "The Dress Store" or something generic like that. Well, we just don't go anywhere without the supervisor's permission. This was a strange one. I called my boss, Bill. He never heard of the account either. But, hey, they need help and we should check it out, what the hell. So off I go to the dress shop.
I pulled up, the store on the corner of Grant and Sutter, I had Doris Day parking, pulling right up in front of the store. The door was wide open. Oh, brilliant. Rats tend to come out at dusk and dawn to be safe, the term is 'crepuscular'. Now you learned something new! I knew right away how the rat got in. I walk in and the six women who were working there ran over to me as if I was Superman and they needed protection from Bizarro. "Save Me, Bugman!!!!!"
Glad to help, little ladies! Okay, I didn't say that, but I bet I could have gotten away with it. These women were really freaking out. There was one guy working there, the stock guy. He looked at me and just kind of shook his head. Hey, big man, why didn't you get this rat? The manager pointed to the front of the store, the last place she saw the rat. I walk over to the left side, by the front racks of clothes. Sure enough, a tail was sticking out from underneath. A long tail. This was a good king sized Norway or sewer rat. One that gets bigger each time someone looks at it..it was a foot long, no 18 inches...and them there is always the guy who saw one that was three feet long. Right.
I move closer to the rat and it takes off! I say, "okay, just don't move" and the women workers all scream and run. I chased the rodent under a circular rack of woman's slacks, trying to move slowly, and out the rat dashes, right through behind the main counter. As the rat runs by, the women who were right there jumped up on the counter, like pogo sticks, Boing boing boing!!. It was one of the funniest sites I ever saw, these women literally bouncing up on the counter. I felt like I was in a cartoon! I chased the rat in to the dressing room, it was cornered with no where to go!
There was a small office-size metal garbage can with a clear liner. I told the stock boy to hand it to me. After he did, I told him to go to the other side of the room and scare the rat. The rat did what rats do, he ran along the wall where I was waiting for him - Thud!- the rat ran in and bonked it's head on the bottom of the can. I quickly picked up the liner, and looked in to see the rats, it's eyes even bigger with that look of "I am going to die, now, aren't I?" and I looked back. The clerks were relieved, and one yelled, "smash it! Kill it now!"
This was 1994, I was going to be leaving at the end of the year, to finish my degree. I was very tired of killing things. I had my share of issues with this, but now, looking in the eyes of this sewer rat, this disgusting disease carrying creature..kinda cute.....well, this was one lucky rat. I told the woman that I can't just smash it, it would not be professional. I would take care of it. I went out to my truck and put the rat, in the bag, with a little opening for air, in the back. Since I have to go back in for the signature, I had to tell the people something. Going inside, with my receipt in hand, I told them that I "took care of it". Let them figure it out.
Getting in my truck, the thought of what to do next just occurred to me. Um, well, now what? I thought about areas where I could just release it with out it coming back to bite me in the ass. Not the rat, but releasing it! I also could not be seen doing this. I mean, really. Fortunately, it was already night. I called Bill from a phone booth, 1994, remember. "Mission accomplished, got the rat, all taken care of." I hung up and drove down across Market out towards the the what is now known as South Beach. Back then it was just the China Basin area, near the outlet for an underground creek. Nothing else much was out there.
After I parked the truck by a field on 4th street, near the China Basin Building, I thought about what I was going to do. This was a first for me. Usually, I would have done something quick and painless (ha!) to end the critter's life. I could not do it. That I had guinea pigs as pets at the time, also did not help. I went to the back of the truck and opened it up. The rat was looking right at me, waiting for the death blow. I took him out and placed the bag on the ground. I looked at her (yes, started anthropomorphizing the cute eyes) and opened the bag up. I stepped away.
She looked right up at me, as if to say, "really?" I said, "yes, really" and she slowly started to move out of the bag and looked back at me once more. Yes!! Really, go!! I thought..and she started to mosey ever so slowly away, not a care in the world. Across the street. As I look at the rat, I look to my right and see a bus coming right towards the now free and very much alive rat! I thought to myself, "I let you go, and, you dumb-ass rat, you are going to get squished by a MUNI bus!" As I watched the bus get closer, the rat just kept moseying.....and right over the rat, the bus went...completely missing the amazingly lucky rodent!! Run, you stupid rat, RUN!!! And she disappeared into the lot........
The next day was typical, busy, with school, and I didn't talk to Bill until late afternoon. When I told him about catching the rat (NOT about letting her go!) he then told me that they were not even a client. They called the wrong pest control company, I was not even supposed to be there. That is one very very lucky rat, would you say?! The next week, I had some time to do overtime, and was told by Bill that there was a problem over at the China Basin Building, someone saw a rat. Well, now you do this to me, little rat girl? This time, let's see if you are so lucky!!!!!
Peace,
Ken
Next Blog - True Confessions of a Bugman!!
This was the times of pagers where all you did was call the number on the top, and usually at night it was the answering service that was calling me. This was one of those usual times. I called and got a message, a rat was in a store downtown. But...I don't have any accounts in that address. It was on Grant Street, "The Dress Store" or something generic like that. Well, we just don't go anywhere without the supervisor's permission. This was a strange one. I called my boss, Bill. He never heard of the account either. But, hey, they need help and we should check it out, what the hell. So off I go to the dress shop.
I pulled up, the store on the corner of Grant and Sutter, I had Doris Day parking, pulling right up in front of the store. The door was wide open. Oh, brilliant. Rats tend to come out at dusk and dawn to be safe, the term is 'crepuscular'. Now you learned something new! I knew right away how the rat got in. I walk in and the six women who were working there ran over to me as if I was Superman and they needed protection from Bizarro. "Save Me, Bugman!!!!!"
Glad to help, little ladies! Okay, I didn't say that, but I bet I could have gotten away with it. These women were really freaking out. There was one guy working there, the stock guy. He looked at me and just kind of shook his head. Hey, big man, why didn't you get this rat? The manager pointed to the front of the store, the last place she saw the rat. I walk over to the left side, by the front racks of clothes. Sure enough, a tail was sticking out from underneath. A long tail. This was a good king sized Norway or sewer rat. One that gets bigger each time someone looks at it..it was a foot long, no 18 inches...and them there is always the guy who saw one that was three feet long. Right.
I move closer to the rat and it takes off! I say, "okay, just don't move" and the women workers all scream and run. I chased the rodent under a circular rack of woman's slacks, trying to move slowly, and out the rat dashes, right through behind the main counter. As the rat runs by, the women who were right there jumped up on the counter, like pogo sticks, Boing boing boing!!. It was one of the funniest sites I ever saw, these women literally bouncing up on the counter. I felt like I was in a cartoon! I chased the rat in to the dressing room, it was cornered with no where to go!
There was a small office-size metal garbage can with a clear liner. I told the stock boy to hand it to me. After he did, I told him to go to the other side of the room and scare the rat. The rat did what rats do, he ran along the wall where I was waiting for him - Thud!- the rat ran in and bonked it's head on the bottom of the can. I quickly picked up the liner, and looked in to see the rats, it's eyes even bigger with that look of "I am going to die, now, aren't I?" and I looked back. The clerks were relieved, and one yelled, "smash it! Kill it now!"
This was 1994, I was going to be leaving at the end of the year, to finish my degree. I was very tired of killing things. I had my share of issues with this, but now, looking in the eyes of this sewer rat, this disgusting disease carrying creature..kinda cute.....well, this was one lucky rat. I told the woman that I can't just smash it, it would not be professional. I would take care of it. I went out to my truck and put the rat, in the bag, with a little opening for air, in the back. Since I have to go back in for the signature, I had to tell the people something. Going inside, with my receipt in hand, I told them that I "took care of it". Let them figure it out.
Getting in my truck, the thought of what to do next just occurred to me. Um, well, now what? I thought about areas where I could just release it with out it coming back to bite me in the ass. Not the rat, but releasing it! I also could not be seen doing this. I mean, really. Fortunately, it was already night. I called Bill from a phone booth, 1994, remember. "Mission accomplished, got the rat, all taken care of." I hung up and drove down across Market out towards the the what is now known as South Beach. Back then it was just the China Basin area, near the outlet for an underground creek. Nothing else much was out there.
After I parked the truck by a field on 4th street, near the China Basin Building, I thought about what I was going to do. This was a first for me. Usually, I would have done something quick and painless (ha!) to end the critter's life. I could not do it. That I had guinea pigs as pets at the time, also did not help. I went to the back of the truck and opened it up. The rat was looking right at me, waiting for the death blow. I took him out and placed the bag on the ground. I looked at her (yes, started anthropomorphizing the cute eyes) and opened the bag up. I stepped away.
She looked right up at me, as if to say, "really?" I said, "yes, really" and she slowly started to move out of the bag and looked back at me once more. Yes!! Really, go!! I thought..and she started to mosey ever so slowly away, not a care in the world. Across the street. As I look at the rat, I look to my right and see a bus coming right towards the now free and very much alive rat! I thought to myself, "I let you go, and, you dumb-ass rat, you are going to get squished by a MUNI bus!" As I watched the bus get closer, the rat just kept moseying.....and right over the rat, the bus went...completely missing the amazingly lucky rodent!! Run, you stupid rat, RUN!!! And she disappeared into the lot........
The next day was typical, busy, with school, and I didn't talk to Bill until late afternoon. When I told him about catching the rat (NOT about letting her go!) he then told me that they were not even a client. They called the wrong pest control company, I was not even supposed to be there. That is one very very lucky rat, would you say?! The next week, I had some time to do overtime, and was told by Bill that there was a problem over at the China Basin Building, someone saw a rat. Well, now you do this to me, little rat girl? This time, let's see if you are so lucky!!!!!
Peace,
Ken
Next Blog - True Confessions of a Bugman!!
6 comments:
That will teach you, don't release near a customer.
I KNEW you were going to say something like that!! Ha! Hey, I got what I deserved, eh? Ha!!
Hmm.....Another episode of you and women's clothing.... I see a trend here worth a paragraph or two.HI HI
Yeah, I guess there may be something Freudian about it....and I like woman's clothing!!
Yeah that reminds me, the last time I saw you at the office you WERE in a dress.
Omg, so glad you gave Randy & me a few great laughs! Very much appreciated tonight. Very funny! Where can your previous blogs be found?
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